I've got nothing but time, Part II.

I want to revisit a topic I blogged about a couple of weeks ago. I wrote a pretty intense post about how having an unusually light schedule, and a lot of unstructured time as a result, was really freaking me out. Over the years, I have become convinced that you are what you read, and that post proves the point in my case. My thoughts about time have been heavily influenced and directed by reading a lot of St. Augustine and forming my dissertation topic around this very issue. For Augustine, the clock is always audibly ticking away the minutes and seconds of his very finite time on earth, at the same time reminding him of the hope of eternal joy and the terror of eternal suffering. The decisions we make about how we spend even the smallest portions of our days determine towards which one of these polar opposites we direct ourselves and others. In short, I'm not sure Augustine would be a fun guy to go on vacation with.

Augustine's thinking on time strikes me as both utterly terrifying and resoundingly true. Both of these reactions have led me to develop a plan for a dissertation examining the sense of urgency resulting from his conception of time that pervades his writing. I'm taking as my starting point one of his early works, On Christian Teaching, a treatise in two parts on how one should first go about learning to read and interpret the scriptures and then begin to instruct others towards understanding them. One reason I've chosen this topic is that it presents me with an unusual challenge: to become a ruthlessly efficient time manager as I research and write. Augustine's big on practicing what he preaches, and if I continue in my usual time-wasting habits I'll simply and blatantly be missing the point of my research. Staring for hours at single lines and paragraphs, taking facebook and tea breaks when I'm meant to be reading, getting sleepy at the library and coming home for a power nap -- these will all have to go. If I find myself falling into my old ways, I'll see Augustine shaking his finger down on me.

As I write this, I fully anticipate the usual comments about Catholic guilt and needing to lighten up a bit. I also see the potential pitfalls of becoming highly personally involved in a topic, to the point where academic objectivity may become difficult to maintain. These are occupational hazards of being a Catholic writing on patristic texts that have become both a challenge and a joy to grapple with on a daily basis. It is true that I am constantly overwhelmed by my own frailty, inadequacy and sinfulness as I read early Christian texts. It is also true that I have been just as overwhelmed by a sense of peace and liberation at being so frequently humbled, which I am sure has made me a much better student. Augustine reminds me every day that learning simply for the sake of becoming knowledgeable is nonsense; even more, he warns me away from the danger of becoming "puffed up" by knowledge that I obtain through God's grace alone. I am so often surrounded by academic vanity that sucks the wonderment out of learning, and I am always grateful to have my own wonderment preserved when I am reminded of my own ignorance and insignificance. It makes feeling stupid (a regular occurrence) feel less frustrating and more purposeful, and it helps me to respond with gratitude to little successes. Really, everything I know about being a happy and effective student I learned from St. Augustine.

And now I've gone and gotten all heavy on you again, and on a Friday night! Sorry if this has been a little on the intense side, but it really is a snapshot of a lot of what's been going on in my brain for the past year or so.

In a last-ditch effort to inject some fun into this post, I'll do a quick Valentine's Day report. I honestly can't remember having a more fun February 14 (and it got more fun once it turned into the 15th). Here at the chaplaincy, Laura made a fantastic dinner of paella and two different kinds of cakes. The two significant others of our coupled housemates were there, and it was an especially festive meal with 15 of us crowded around the table. Afterwards, the girls switched into party mode and mixed some pink martinis, broke out some strawberries and peaches and whipped cream, and played truth-or-dare Jenga while simultaneously having one of our patented dance parties. Then we headed out to Thekla for my favorite indie club night and danced our rear ends off 'til the wee hours. Here's a picture that pretty well sums up the night:

More pics on my photo site if you're interested, some picturing the guest of honor at our V-Day celebration, Mr. Darcy. OK, that's it for now. Thanks for reading, and happy weekend!